Blog: Contenders for the best worst songs of 2012
Many thought that the Rebecca Black effect –born from the illogically bad song, “Friday”—would have died sometime before Easter this year; you know, after Good Friday. It sure did.
Even though she went on to set up her own record label, RB Records and continued to defend her dominance in the world of wtf music with “My Moment” and “Person of Interest,” Black’s notoriety has substantially simmered down.
No one expected a track to top the pile of crap from Black’s musical butthole. That is until two 17-year-olds released “Hot Problems” –a song about the challenges they face being pretty and popular. The music video on YouTube has garnered close to 5 million views, about 250,000 “dislikes” and 16,000 “likes”; all in a space of two weeks.
It’s too early to say that the duo’s track is the best worst song of the year. To be fair, and to recognize other great artists who have released the best worst song of the year so far, I have compiled nine other tracks to bleed your eardrums and gouge your eyes out.
Without further ado, here are the early contenders for the “Best Worst Songs of 2012.” Viewers’ discretion is advised.
Double Take “Hot Problems”
17-year-old Los Angeles natives, Drew Garrett and Lauren Willy are Double Take. The high-schoolers’ debut song “Hot Problems” sees them in a limousine riding down some boulevard with monotonous vocals and daft hair-twirling in tow.
The first time I heard this, I was literally dancing to it, in the belly of hell, wishing that a more comfortable scenario like Satan sodomizing my nostrils with his pitchfork would take place.
Here’s a verse. A verse is enough…
Please don’t get me wrong,
I know that I’m hot.
Textbook perfection really takes a lot.
Weird guys call my phones,
and girls call me names,
like Miley said, “I can’t be tamed.”
What?
Blog: The Drunk Supper
Image: “Jesus is my Homeboy” series by David LaChapelle
After a ton of drinks, the last thing I think about is more drinks; the second last thing is food. For me, supper is a chore. Supper sits in the same category as laundry, calling Ikea for a missing nut, listening to self-absorbed people singing their “me” anthems, and obliging needless hi-fives. All painful, ball-busting chores.
At least 99% of my friends are supper-goers. Other than digging in their inebriated choice of food, they particularly enjoy just thinking about supper after a night out. This fills them with anticipation and excitement.
Blog: Other Things I Want Back From The Dead
Okay, so Tupac was revived as a hologram on the first-weekend of this year’s Coachella. Titanic was also brought back to fish in a profit of iceberg proportions in 3D. Here are other things I would like to see or experience from the dead.
- KFC’s 11 herbs and spices marinated chicken instead of the brown paper bag we’re eating now.
- The once overrated, now underrated peace sign.
- A cable channel dedicated to cartoons made in the early 70s to the late 90s.
- A cable channel dedicated to EVERY FUCKING TV SHOW, MUSIC, AND MOVIE MADE IN THE 70s TO THE LATE 90s.
- Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds in 3D.
- Hotmail in 3D.
- 80s Cross Colours apparels in one-tone.
- Enid Blyton as a psychedelic drug.
- Borders Bookstore
- Tower Records
- Or a collaboration with the two forming: The Borders of Tower Bookstore Records (and then some.)
- WWF Macho Man Randy Savage on crack talking about today’s pop-culture (he will totally make sense.)
- 70s hippies and today’s hipsters talking about things in a “live” television show hosted by the recently departed Mike Wallace from 60 Minutes.
- Bill Cosby’s 1976 dissertation —for his doctoral degree— titled, “An Integration of the Visual Media Via ‘Fat Albert And The Cosby Kids’ Into the Elementary School Curriculum as a Teaching Aid and Vehicle to Achieve Increased Learning” as a video game on PS3.
Blog: An Insightful Fictitious Interview with Singapore Based Companies & Icons
M1
Me: How does your fiscal year look like for end last year?
M1: I wish you and your forthcoming generations to constantly vomit green mucus and find fiery red clumps of blood clots up your assholes, asshole.
S.League
S.League: SUPPORT MEEE!
Me: What do you think about the LIONS XII recent six-game unbeaten run in the Malaysia Cup?
S.League: DRINK YEOOOSSS! UPSKIRTS!
Me: What the hell?
S.League: SUPPORT MEEE! SEMBAWANG!
Blog: Meet The President of the Restroom Association
Expecting to be humoured from watching the news yesterday, I was blown away by an interview with this woman above. Ladies and gentleman, I would like you to meet the President of the Restroom Association, Ms. Tan Puay Hoon. Throughout the entire segment, I was giggling like a little bitch.
Blog: When I Was A Kid, I Wanted To Punch Singa The Courtesy Lion
Image: eeshaun
There’s something about Singa the Courtesy Lion –a mascot for The Singapore Kindness Movement– that keeps busting my balls. The first time I met Singa was when I was a teeny weeny boy. I remembered Singa action-syncing a recorded cartoonish voice on stage asserting that, “Courtesy begins with you.” I vividly recalled muttering under my breath, “Fuck off.” I was 8. That was the first time I cursed at anything.
Blog: Things That Make Me Feel More Singaporean Than Usual
Image: Jing Quek
Towing a bag of Chinese, Malay and Indian colloquialism and cusses aside, “to be Singaporean” is indeed an idea that deserves quotation marks. It is rather perplexing that some Singaporeans are in search of their “lost” national identity. By the way, to lose your identity card will cut you back some $300 in fines, but to lose your national identity, that’s a whole different transaction altogether. But what have we lost?
Blog: Newbie Quest To Cook The Perfect Omelette - Tortilla de Patatas
In my quest to make the perfect omelette (and since I have writer’s block), I decided to go one up and made myself a Spanish version also known as the tortilla de patatas. This is the first time I am whipping this up. My last attempt was at making the usual omelette -which turned out charred and almost burn down the kitchen.
The staple Spaniard dish is served either as an appetizer or a main, and is made with potatoes, eggs and onions. For mine, I included parsley, mushrooms and mozarrella cheese to make it sicker than usual. And for the lack of a better word, it was bangin’.
Blog: Girls With Lollipops and Other Kinds of People I Don’t Trust in a Club
If this leads to you experience guilt by association, I am not sorry. It might come off as an unjust and callous generalization, but really, I don’t care. There are some kinds of people that I just don’t trust in a club. I would love to go past initial judgements just to get to know them a little better, but the whole business with the lollipops, sunglasses and other faux-pas are getting in the way.
Blog: Don’t Support Local Music
Image: Aaron Lim
When someone tells me to support local music, I cringe. My eyebrows meet each other in the middle and create a mini valley worthy of tourist dollars. The corner of my top lip is raised, strip-teasing some teeth. I make a sound, most notably the pirate sounding, “Err…”
