Kiss My Culture

Blog: Mentos’ “National Night” Lyrics Exposed

Ahead of Singapore’s 47th birthday, Mentos recently launched a lyrical music video to celebrate both National Day and the art of rough animalistic sex. Titled procreate-ively as “National Night,” the song aims to inspire couples to start copulating during National Day —all to help increase the country’s dwindling birthrate while being patriotically motivated.

“IT’S YOUR DUTY!” they sang albeit cryptically.

This, of course, makes much sense, because there’s no better time to fuck the CPF out of each other than during National Day as fireworks explode in the night sky, also, reportedly, paid with your CPF.

There’s an intrinsic value to this. Much significance is to be had.

When you think about it, it’s birthday sex with a nationalistic twist. That’s really fresh, Mentos. You are the freshmakers anyway aren’t you? Lest we forget what we were here for, lets take a look at everything that is gloriously wrong with this song.

In the opening monologue, the female singer and her male counterpart are engaging in some sort of very cool and hip dialogue synonymous to very cool and hip films like “Step Up” and “LOL”. I assume they are in some sort of relationship because when she asked why he was eating a mint, he stylish replied, “So I can kiss you on the face,” and she seemed pretty ok with it. I wonder what’s wrong with her lips.

Though she was open to the concept of being kissed in the fucking face, she semi-humorously questioned his intent. Her man then got on a ranting spree about how it’s “National Night” on August 9th and it’s exactly the time when they have to do their civic duty.

“What?” she asked nervously. I am glad that we both share the same sentiments of being bewildering perplexed.

In describing about the civic duty that is of grave importance, he asserted that it isn’t just going to be about speeches, fireworks or parades. Sorry, what?

Since when is public speaking considered a civic duty? In addition, I am not confident that an untrained Singaporean should handle dangerous explosives. Also, I strongly doubt that marching is any citizen’s responsibility, unless of course, you’re North Korean.

“I am talking about the stuff after that stuff [speeches, fireworks and parades],” he teased, “I am talking about making a baby, baby.” I might be ignorant at this point because I have always assumed that it was the women who were more interested in settling down and making babies. But I guess this rapper has a heart, and is overwhelmed by his paternal ambitions.

However, he should take a look at the calendar, because if his baby conceives on August, his other baby will pop out anytime between May and June next year. And according to astrological signs and the Chinese calendar, they are more likely to give birth to a Gemini in the year of the snake. Good luck.

Oh wait, he’s not Asian. He clearly sounds like an American who’s eerily attached to the cultural significance of Singapore’s independence day and its baby issues. I do apologize.

Hereafter is when the song starts. I’ll decipher it play-by-play.

U ready? Leh-go!
What is leh-go?

The parade is long gone / The kids are in bed / Lets not watch fireworks / Lets make ‘em instead
Oh, you already have a kid? Is this from the same or different woman? Was your kid born last National Night too? I am pretty sure that you are not literally going to make fireworks aren’t you?

It’s National Night and I want a baby, boo / I know you want it, so does the SDU
The Social Development Unit is a governmental body set up to hook singles up. It has since been renamed the Social Development Network so as to not sound threatening. Images of SDU troopers storming in the houses of individuals who have not met their mate (only to meet their fate, blindfolded and tortured in an abandoned warehouse) can be conjured.

I ain’t Merlion, baby, this is national duty / Let me SMS the details of our late night dooty… call
You are not a Merlion, so that’s a tick off the obvious list, but what does that got to do with your national duty? And why do you have to SMS details of your late night dooty? Aren’t you staying in the same house? What kind of relationship is this? Also, what’s a dooty? Isn’t it supposed to be, booty? According to the first definition of “dooty” in the Urban Dictionary – dooty: A medium sized piece of feces, or shit, expelled in an open and public place. Again I ask, what kind of relationship is this?

Yes y’all, I’ll meet ya in the hall / Don’t wake the kids up cos’ they’ll be appalled / about the stuff that we’re gon’ do up in that bedroom / I’ll take your breath away like a sonic boom
With all that dooty business, not only will your kids be appalled, they’ll be properly traumatized. “Sonic boom” is an understatement.

[Chorus] It’s National Night / So let’s make fireworks ignite / It’s National Night / Let’s make Singapore’s birthrate spike
O.K.

Singapore’s population, it needs some increasing / Forget waving flags, August 9th we’ll be freaking
Here’s where the DJ cut to Chic’s “Le Freak” and the crowd goes wild.

Like a government scholar, I wanna cram real hard / and tap u all night like an EZ link card
Never once had I assumed how freakish scholars can be. You have changed my perception. Thanks? By the way, don’t you tap an EZ link card only twice on any given trip –in and out? Analogically speaking, I doubt that the ladies will find any pleasure in that. Also, do I need to top up the value of my card? Because at the rate of “tapping,” it sounds like I need to clear my savings. Do I use one card or more? I’m new to this. Please bear with me, as I’ve not tapped my EZ link card all night long in my entire life.

Size does matters when EZ link card-based sex is concerned.

Let’s make a lil’ human that looks like you and me / Explorin’ your body like the Night Safari
So this lil’ human will pop out and explore the body of your woman? I am thinking: Wes Craven.

I’m a patriotic husband, you’re my patriotic wife / Lemme book into ya camp and manufacture life
Not only do you sound like a wife-beater, there’s some element of cult-like stature here. I am thinking: Mel Gibson. Also, the last line isn’t at all romantic if that’s what you’re going for. It isn’t something you’ll find in a Hallmark card under the I-want-to-impregnate-my-wife section.

[Pre-Chorus] It’s National Night / Light some candles while I sing the chorus
Ok, go ahead. No one’s stopping you.

[Chorus] It’s National Night / Come on now let’s get that baby bonus
Everything that’s wrong about starting a family stamps from this carrot and stick approach. Sure, it’s great that the government is helping out first-time families with various financial aids. But when it comes down to it, the core motivation for one to start a family cannot be from an external standpoint —financial, governmental or societal— because when all that is set and done, the only family-centric backbone you’re left with is the one you haven’t consider to build. Ok, this is getting too serious. Lets go light some candles.

Girl you’re so hot I wanna turn on the AC / You finer than a durian on the MRT / From the PIE to the KPE / we’re riding 70mph to the AYE!
I, just like you, do not know what all this means.

If a fish and a lion can spawn an infant (that’s a Merlion) / You and I together, let’s not do different / So mobilize your body coz my name is Mc’Lovin / Put this track on repeat, let’s put a bao in your oven
Striking parallels with the birth of a mythological creature to your own cause is a juvenile inspiration. I expect you to complete that coloring book immediately. I have no idea what you are talking about on the third line. But I am pretty sure “put a bao in your oven” is with regards to childbearing. In China, they have those controversial placenta baos. Is that what you’re referring to here? Aren’t we already heading towards a complete disaster with this song? How bad can it get?

The image above is taken from www.baointheoven.com. Your argument is invalid.

Tau Sa Pau
Whispered the female lead in an aphrodisiacal stupor.

[Chorus] It’s National Night (Male rapper: I can’t wait to upgrade our HDB, baby) / I can’t wait to buy a $900 stroller (Male rapper: Yeah baby, I want to hang out at your void deck)
A quick check on www.babytown.com.sg showed the cheapest stroller costing a hundred bucks. $900 will probably get you the B-Dual 4-wheel Pushchair which, according to the description: is an intelligent modular pushchair offering flexibility and versatile travel options for one or two children - with the additional seat from birth to toddler. Is that what you’re going for? Oh, I forgot, you do have another kid right? Aside, I am not going to go into the whole metaphorical meaning of “hang out at your void deck.” Readers can decipher that on their own.

[Chorus] It’s National Night / It’s gonna be a really, really, really, really fancy stroller
Sure thing, we heard you the first time.

The Porsche designed P’4911 baby stroller is set to be the most expensive stroller in the world though a price has yet to be confirmed.

Whatever you doing right now, whether you are about to get your tau huay, get your National Night on
Do you know how long the queue is at some of our better tau huay establishments? I am not going to drop everything just to get my “National Night” on, as you so eloquently put it. If I am getting tau huay, I am getting the damn tau huay. There’s a time and place for everything else.

If you visiting Gardens by The Bay right now, get your National Night on
Do you have any idea what the room rates are at Marina Bay Sands? It starts from $599 onwards on National Day. So you mean to say that while being enthralled by artificial plants at Gardens by The Bay, I should rush to the nearest hotel (which is MBS) and find a room to get my “National Night” on? I am already turned off by that $900 stroller.

If you are offended by this song, then get your National Night on
$900 stroller, that’s what I am more offended with.

It’s August the 9th, baby / This ain’t no holiday / Raise that flag / Get mobilized and let your patriotism explode / Coz it’s National Night
Boomz.