Kiss My Culture

Blog: An Insightful Fictitious Interview with Singapore Based Companies & Icons

M1
Me: How does your fiscal year look like for end last year? 
M1: I wish you and your forthcoming generations to constantly vomit green mucus and find fiery red clumps of blood clots up your assholes, asshole.

S.League
S.League: SUPPORT MEEE!
Me: What do you think about the LIONS XII recent six-game unbeaten run in the Malaysia Cup?
S.League: DRINK YEOOOSSS! UPSKIRTS!
Me: What the hell?
S.League: SUPPORT MEEE! SEMBAWANG!

MIO TV
Me: I can’t watch the English Premier League because of you. I’m with Starhub.
MIO: Deal with it, bitch.

Starhub
Starhub: The website which you are trying to access is restricted by the Media Development Authority (MDA).
Me: Nooooo!

Media Development Authority
MDA: Fuck. Tits. Porn. Satan. Cum.
Me: I don’t really understand what is or isn’t allowed in the media. Pretty grey isn’t it?
MDA: Cunt. Point of Entry. Twat. Incredible Tales. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Me: Wait, is this MDA or MDMA?

Central Narcotics Bureau
CNB: Possession and/or consumption of buprenorphine, cannabis, cocaine, ecstasy…
Me: I haven’t asked my question.
CNB: … heroin, ketamine, lysergide, LSD, methamphetamine, nimetazepam, BZP and TFMPP, mephedrone and inhalants like glue sniffing carries heavy punishments in Singapore.
Me: What about psilocybe cubensis or Magic Mushrooms?
CNB: You got me there.

Mohamed Sultan Road
Me: Rumours has it that the drug culture was rampant here during the late 90s, and that, together with the changes made in street parking rules were the causes of your downfall.
MSR: Well, there’s always Butter Factory.
Me: Butter Factory moved to Fullerton.
MSR: dbl O is still bringing in the crowd, I must add.
Me: They moved to Queen Street.
MSR: What am I?
Me: I think you are pretty much a road.

Jiak Kim Street
Me: Mohamed Sultan seems pretty lost. How have you been doing?
JKS: Tell him to holla whenever he doesn’t need anything.

Dempsey Hill
DH: I am so fucking beautiful.
Me: Sure you are, but what do you think about other areas sprouting up catering to a younger demographic?
DH: I am so fucking wonderful I can die, okay?

Ann Siang Hill
ASH: Hey, man.
Me: Hey, Ann Siang. Hmm… you seem much more civilized than all the others I’ve met.
ASH: Cool, cool. What do you need, man?
Me: Just wanted to ask: with all these new shops, cafes, bars and restaurants opening in your area, how have you grown economically since your birth in 1903?
ASH: Well, let’s just say that… it’s all about the synergy of various outlets creating a level of intricate dynamisms coming together as one where no one is different from the other but are similar in the core values and principles in a way that they serve to be served and hence sparked from this dichotomy a birth to an apex of social vortex that co-creates a rate of which discerns itself from the mass production of commercialism in somewhat surreal and realistic manner that juxtaposes a marriage of the living and those that is about to be lived.
Me: Thanks.

Taxis
Mercedes: Fuck off.
Chrysler: Ha!
TransCab: Cash only, yah?
Me: Can I pay by NETS?
TransCab: Have you ever paid loansharks with NETS?

Mass Rapid Transport
MRT: COME AT ME, BRO!
Me: Woah! You are going through a breakdown! Try to relax.
MRT: COME ON! COME AT ME, BRO!

SBS Transit
Me: Do you have any comments on MRT’s recent publicized breakdowns?
SBST: 孔子说：“不要紧，你慢慢去，只要你不停止.”
Me: What?

The Merlion
Me: Hey do you…
Merlion: *Ughkkk*
Me: Okay.